welcoming the necessity
The more I questioned the sense of security and happiness instilled by the identity established by my position, the more the impulse to quit the occupation and role I held invigorated. The vigour was nourished by clarities.
Dwelling in the insecurity without fearing anguish, you will fathom the anxieties that raise and that sustain your hopes, desires and dreams, and therefore influence your judging and deciding, and animate your actions.
Dwelling in the void you will grasp what you reach for, to whom you attach yourself, whom you obey in order to constitute, ensure, and manifest your existence, namely your identity – the sense, the value, the legitimisation of your being and acting.
Acknowledging without abandoning the clarities and escaping into reassuring structures and activities ascertained by the beliefs and authorities of your reality will widen the space and give you the time to observe and to allow the anxieties, hopes and desires to be in their adequate dimension.
Daring to dwell in the present wider than the fears, hopes, desires and dreams you will perceive the necessities of being and identify the actual dangers – the believes and their realities that impede the fulfilment of the necessities.
As I observed the clarities and acknowledged them as reality despite the fears they evoked, an insight happened: Fundamental change is needed. And the change is impeded by the mental and material structures created and kept alive by individual and collective fears. Thus, the process has an individual and a social dimension and implies responsibilities towards both yourself and the community.
The insight given by the togetherness of clarities and fears, revealed the necessity inherent in the persistent unease, the unavoidable step demanded by the insight: Step into a life reality in which you experience existential anguish in the midst of the society in which you live and cultivate the calm by investigating the arising fears, hopes and desires.
In the fright at the insight I realised: Only if the existential precariousness is the consequence not only of the recognised necessity but also of the conscious decision to follow it, existential anguish will not occupy the entire space of your reality.
In this togetherness of insight, necessity and decision, the existential experience will unfold the vigour you need to dwell outside the ascertained and reassuring structures and activities of your past and to allow and keep alive the process of transformation while you roam the unknown and feel yourself dissolving into the void.
It was clear: Time has come to make a far-reaching decision before the dynamics of yourself and of the system force you into a persisting state of existential indigence and anguish.
In the awareness not only of the urgency but also of the dangers which the necessity bears, a task emerged: Before you let the force of the decision free the act, frame your reality and ponder the risks in the respect for life.