questioning the own
Questioning my happiness I recognised that this sensation was due to the feeling that I belonged to the diligent, capable, successful and good people of our world. This valuation of my being was bound to the fact that the exercised activity was approved, confirmed and esteemed by the authorities of my reality. Persisting in this recognised position furthermore had been offering recurring experiences of self-efficacy, which strengthened my self-esteem and -confidence as well as the feeling of being safe.
On the other hand, I realised that with the success and security had also grown the propensity to believe that this was primarily the fruit of my own abilities, will and diligence. The feeling of being the first cause of one’s own happiness evoked and strengthened the belief that one is able and must be it, while it weakened the understanding for incapacities and invigorated the fear of not being capable.
Perceiving that the vigour of this belief conditioned my state and acting in a decisive way although my experiences made me aware of the disparity of starting points, resources and opportunities, rendered me pensive.
I realised that the position lived over a long period of life and the resulting continuous experiences of reject and welcome, disdain and esteem, irrelevance and efficacy, blame and prise, punishment and reward, are more effective than the clarity and logic provided by basic notions and insights in shaping landscapes of needs and topographies of values, in assessing and undertaking their inclusion and exclusion, in establishing and pursuing capacities and aims, in creating and negating identities and realities.
The observation followed: The longer you maintain your vantage point, from which you experience, value and separate friendly and hostile identities, reassuring and adverse realities, the higher the necessity and willingness to consider the own perceptions and judgements to be fundamental and authoritative – if not even universal truths and natural laws to be followed.
Hence, the question arose: From which position in the society, namely from which belonging and field of action, do you want to experience the reality, to perceive, question and shape the beliefs and principles that constitute and confirm your existence, guide your judging and acting, make you feel empowered and safe?